Do you offer telephone counselling?
Yes I do. I’ve been working with clients over the telephone for over ten years.
Telephone counselling or telephone psychotherapy is a marvellous way to combine confidentiality with convenience.
My clients have discovered (some with a sense of surprise) that it is just as effective as working face-to-face. Now they like the saving in time that it provides, along with the ability to talk with me from any part of the globe.
They also appreciate the privacy of ‘phone counselling when they want to discuss something that might be too embarassing for them in person.
If you want to try ‘phone counselling, just email me or give me a call using the toll-free number and we’ll set up an appointment.
Do you see individuals in counselling in Bournemouth?
Yes I do. I counsel individuals either when they only wish to work on their own issues or when they are coming with a view to helping improve their relationship.
It’s not often realised that a lot of relationships and marriages can be improved when only one partner decides to bring about the transformation.
It takes longer and carries the risk that the one person growing may move beyond their partner, but it’s still a very valuable process.
Do you offer pre marriage counselling in Bournemouth?
Yes I do. Pre marriage or premarital counselling has been identified as reducing the risk of divorce by up to thirty percent and to leading to a significantly happier marriage.
This is a significant factor given that half of all marriages end in divorce and only half of those that endure are truly happy in the long run.
Perhaps surprisingly, it appears that marriages between previously cohabiting couples have no better chance of marriage success than any others. This also applies to older couples who are remarrying after divorce or bereavement.
Their likelihood of happiness is no greater than the younger first-timer.
So a course of premarital counselling represents a small investment if it helps ensure your relationship is one of the positive ones.
Pre marriage counselling is fairly structured. It is tallored to your needs by addressing issues that have already been identified by you as needing examination. However, to be comprehensive it will also cover:
- Compatibility
- Expectations
- Personalities and families-of-origin
- Communication
- Money management
- Conflict resolution
- Intimacy and sexuality
- Long-term goals
A couple that is nervous of premarital work and the topics to be raised often discovers that it’s fun to have this discussion in a safe place. This then serves as a model for how to hold such discussions in the future.
If we decide to work with you during the interview can we do so?
Yes. Sometimes clients want to start work immediately and will ask after a while to turn the interview into a proper session. I will confirm with both of you that that is your desire and then we can proceed on a pro rata charging basis for whatever time is used.
Do you assign blame?
Absolutely not. Even when one partner seeks to blame themselves for a crisis I will not support that position.
The reason is that relationship counselling is a pragmatic process, designed to produce a beneficial outcome for both parties.
Within the counselling it’s necessary to acknowledge that hurt has been done. But the couple must quickly move on to questions such as: “Is there, or could there be, enough value in this relationship for you to work on it and put the hurt behind you?”
I don’t want to give the impression that this is a brusque process. Deep hurt calls for free expression of pain and condemnation and for others to listen. Sometimes, if the hurt has gone deeply, this process may have to be repeated a number of times.
For a successful outcome, however, the ‘wronged’ individual must sooner or later put their hurt aside and start negotiating for something better for themselves. Otherwise they will hurt only themselves. And the ‘wrongdoer’ has at some point to be able to say: “I’m truly sorry for what I did, but now I’d like to ask you to put it behind us and join me in building a better future.”
I am pragmatic and optimistic and experience has taught me that couples are capable of much greater resilience and recovery than perhaps even they realise.
What do you charge?
I charge £60.00 for individual sessions and £70.00 for couples. A session is 50 minutes. My charges are based on professional norms that take into account depth of training and experience.
Do you offer any cut rate or sliding scale?
Yes I do. I reserve a small percentage of my practice for reduced-fee clients. This can be discussed at the introductory interview at which point we will make an agreement on fees.
How long does it take?
It depends what you want to achieve.
There’s really no such thing as a quick fix. However, if you want to explore one issue, take the steam out of it and come up with a working arrangement for the future you can expect to spend around six sessions with me.
It can take a while longer if you want to save a marriage that’s been severely damaged. It’s a bit like remodelling an old house – you never know what you’re dealing with until you uncover the structure.
However, unlike the house, you don’t have to make your complete investment before assessing the risk. After a session or two you will have gained a pretty good idea of what’s involved.
You are not asked to make any commitment to a given number of sessions, so you can decide to stop or continue at any time.
I’ve heard of people becoming dependent on their counsellors. How can I protect against that?
All relationships involve a measure of dependency: at least emotional and often practical and financial.
However, there are two forms of dependency.
One is the healthy dependency that we have on suppliers of everything from food to electricity. This form of dependency is characterized by a clear contract and understanding of the nature of the agreement.
Healthy dependency almost always has an identifiable and equal exchange of value at its root. This value may be expressed in emotional, physical or other currency.
On the other side, unhealthy dependency often implies a surrender of some aspect of ourselves in order to maintain a connection. Or we encourage the other party to resist growth so they may remain dependent on us. The transaction is not equal and is detrimental to both, albeit in different ways.
I have a low tolerance for unhealthy relationships. I find them unrewarding and stifling of growth.
As a relationship counsellor, a big part of my work is helping people learn how to create and maintain health in their mutual dependency. Emotional relationships between people can be almost as clearly defined as financial transactions at your supermarket.
So both for personal and professional reasons you will find that I actively discourage unhealthy dependency. If at any point you fear that your connection is too strong, it is a good idea to raise it for examination. This process will contribute a valuable experience to take into improving your other relationships.
